• T.Kactus

Groundhog Day, Week, Month…?

I woke up annoyed this morning. Annoyed and irritated that I couldn’t go to my favorite breakfast spot (Elly’s Pancake House) and order a Veggie Benedict with a hot coffee. They have fabulous coffee too, not too bitter (this doesn’t stop me from drowning it in hazelnut creamer and 3 packets of sugar), but yes the coffee is delicious and I do a solid, “aaaahhh” when I take a sip and exhale. And I know that I can make my own breakfast or order it as take-out etc. I know there are solutions to my irritation, but I reserve the right to be irritated. And I don’t want to hear that shitty phrase of “first world problems.” They’re my problems and I can feel pissed if I want. And I want to feel pissed without feeling guilty.


No one can express an ounce of emotion anymore without the world admonishing you to, “Be grateful you have a roof over your head and indoor plumbing.” Yes, I am grateful that I am able to work from home and that I have internet and social media and a lovely man who knows how to cook. If not for him, I would be scraping mold off Brie cheese for lunch and utilizing Post-it notes as toilet paper. I am actively and conscientiously grateful. But since I am a complicated person, I am allowed to have complicated emotions.


Because although everyday feels the same, it cannot alleviate the fact that outside of my window, it looks like the world is crumbling apart. I read the news (Daily Skimm & The New York Times Briefing) in the mornings—a day after the worst of it has happened. I cannot read anything in real time because the anxiety causes my heart to flutter erratically. I read about COVID-19 and the economic impact it is having on the world and I still cannot process it as a reality.


My reality consists of me waking up and realizing it’s another day that I can’t go see my family, walk to my neighborhood store or meet up friends for brunch. I know they are small things, but they are the things that help my world go round.


To be honest, when we were first sent home from work, I was relieved and excited. This would be so liberating! No bra, no make-up, no waistband, no heels. And the first week was fun and I laughed at all the WFH memes and I hoped that this little hiccup in time would be productive and I could get around to doing all the things I had put off for so long.


But the first week has now become the fourth week and we don’t know when we’ll return. The days are bleeding into one another. It doesn’t help that the weather consists of grey skies and forty degrees at all times. Did the Groundhog forget about us completely? I am hoping that the sun does shine down on us once again, and that we can put these dark days behind us.


Good night friends, I hope you have a better tomorrow!

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